What is People-Pleasing ?
People Pleasing is a behavior where one tries to constantly make sure that people around him/her are not upset or thinking good about him/her.
It leads to people constantly making “an effort to make other people happy” around them and they tend to suppress their own needs.
People Pleasing can come across as an individual behavior, Nevertheless it can also be an learned behavior from parents and teachers. It can also be a Trauma or stress response.
People Pleasing personalities tend to get confused with people who effortlessly help people around them.
Identifying Common Traits of People-Pleasing Personalities
An Individual will come across as very helpful but there are some repercussion of this behavior
- People-pleasers often feel internally tired and exhausted due to their constant need for approval.
- Their happiness hinges on others’ reactions, which can be draining because not everyone will acknowledge their efforts.
- They struggle with setting healthy boundaries, fearing that doing so might disappoint others.
- They frequently sacrifice their own needs to avoid the risk of losing important relationships.
- Despite being surrounded by many people, they often find it challenging to form genuine connections.
- They have a tendency to overcommit, taking on more responsibilities than they can handle.
- People pleasers may believe that sharing their problems or secrets could place an emotional burden on others. They might think that by keeping their issues to themselves, they are protecting their friends or loved ones from discomfort or stress.
- Many people struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth. They might feel that their secrets are too shameful or unworthy of others’ time and attention, leading them to keep these aspects of their lives private.
- People pleasers often go to great lengths to avoid conflicts, so they might withhold personal information to maintain a smooth and harmonious relationship.
- People pleasers, there’s a significant concern that such disclosure might lead to rejection or disapproval from others, threatening their need for acceptance and approval.
Common Reasons for Developing a People-Pleasing Personality
- Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem often seek validation from others to feel valued and accepted. Pleasing others becomes a way to gain approval and boost their self-worth.
- Fear of Rejection: A strong fear of rejection or abandonment can drive people to please others. By ensuring everyone around them is happy, they hope to avoid the pain of being rejected or left out.
- Childhood Experiences: Experiences during childhood, such as having to earn parental approval or growing up in a highly critical environment, can contribute to the development of people-pleasing behaviors. Children may learn that their value is contingent on pleasing others.
- Desire for Control: Some individuals use people-pleasing as a way to exert control over their social environment. By keeping everyone around them content, they can manage relationships and avoid potential conflicts or disruptions.
- Cultural or Societal Expectations: Cultural norms and societal expectations can play a role in shaping people-pleasing behaviors. In some cultures, there is a strong emphasis on harmony and compliance with social roles, leading individuals to prioritize others’ needs over their own.
- Guilt and Obligation: Feelings of guilt or a sense of obligation can drive people to please others. They may feel compelled to meet others’ needs or expectations out of a sense of responsibility, even at their own expense.
- Desire for Approval: A deep-seated desire for external approval and recognition can lead to people-pleasing. Individuals may prioritize others’ opinions and seek constant affirmation to feel valued and accepted.
These factors can interact in complex ways, contributing to a person’s tendency to prioritize others’ needs and desires over their own.
3 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser
- End-of-Day Reflection: At the end of each day, take a few moments to write down three positive qualities or achievements about yourself. This exercise helps counteract the tendency to seek validation from others and shifts the focus to recognizing your own value. By consistently acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments, you train your mind to appreciate and love yourself, reinforcing that you deserve positive self-regard and self-love without needing external approval.
- Learn to Say No: One of the core challenges for people pleasers is setting boundaries and prioritizing personal needs. Start by practicing saying no in low-stakes situations to build confidence. Understand that it’s essential to assert your needs and limits to maintain your mental and emotional health. Although it might feel uncomfortable initially, embracing this discomfort is part of the process of learning to value yourself and your time. Over time, your brain will adapt to this new way of thinking, and setting boundaries will become a more natural part of your interactions.
- Avoid Over-Apologizing: Apologizing is important when you’ve genuinely caused harm, but it’s crucial not to fall into the habit of over-apologizing or being excessively self-critical. Recognize that while it’s important to respect others’ feelings, your self-respect should not be compromised. When you apologize, do so with sincerity but also maintain a balance that preserves your self-worth. This approach helps in developing a healthier self-image and prevents you from diminishing your value through unnecessary guilt or self-reproach.
